My conversation with Chris Espinoza of the Divorce Recovery Podcast, got me thinking about the advice I’d give to men going through divorce, especially those new to dating apps.
Preparation: Unless you don’t mind being treated as a second-class citizen, I don’t recommend getting on dating apps before legally divorced, But the separation period is a great time to undergo self-improvement: to lose weight, workout, engage in spiritual recovery (or attitude adjustment), and make cosmetic changes such as getting your teeth fixed and improving your wardrobe.
It’s also a great time to build your portfolio of photos that will be the foundation of your dating profile image or brand. There’s a lot of advice about the kind of photos to avoid such as selfies, lewd photos, and ones holding fish (not sure why women hate these so much). But less advice is given to what photos should be included in a man’s dating profile.
Besides having photos taken by a professional (or knowledgeable amateur), who understands lighting and the ideal photo distance, here are some things to do in your profile:
- Smile: Dating apps are particularly dangerous for women. Smiling projects trustworthiness and kindness, two qualities desired by women. Yet, most men don’t smile out of a misguided view of what’s masculine and women find appealing.
- Dress Up: Numerous studies confirm that women prefer men who dress more formally than casually in their photos, and this preference extends to all forms of relationships studied: from short flings to marriage. Probably the single easiest way a man could improve his response rate on dating apps is to include more photos in a tuxedo, suit, or jacket, and fewer in tank tops.
- Include some photos with “story appeal.” David Ogilvy’s advertising career was launched largely on the success of his Hathaway Shirt ad that featured a well-dressed gentleman wearing an eyepatch. Ogilvy said the success of the ad was because it stood out and it had story appeal. People wonder, “Was he injured in battle?” Unless it’s a costume party, I don’t suggest you wear a fake eyepatch. But along with professional photos taken in front of a neutral background, please include some photos with story appeal like this one of me at a Mexican wedding.
Building a portfolio of photos for your dating profile takes time and effort to develop. Your profile photos should work like a team emphasizing different qualities or traits that you’re trying to project. Start building your photo portfolio today!
