I’ve had no success on dating apps. They don’t work…or at least they don’t work for me.
I’m tired of the ghosting and rejection…the unanswered messages… all the conversations and first dates that lead nowhere. Frankly, it’s not worth it. I’m thinking of giving up on dating altogether. I don’t know where I went wrong. I try to be authentic and confident.
I respect boundaries and am not pushy about sex. I have a nice job,
and am reasonably attractive and well-groomed.
I’m so frustrated. It hurts my mental well-being. I blame feminism,
and dating apps for making women so coldhearted. — Brice
Dear Brice,
I feel your pain!
Online dating has its pitfalls for sure.
But I’ve learned as a copywriter that if my ad fails, it’s a defect in my ad and/or the product. It’s foolish to blame the customer (woman in this case) for not buying. As Jordan Peterson says to men, “If they’re not picking you, it’s because they’re right…you cannot be angry with women…it’s a sign of psychological trouble.”
So rather than blaming feminism, dating apps or social media for your rejection by women, make these adjustments to your dating profile.
Better Photo Selection
A study at the University of Chicago confirmed that most people had no clue about how attractive their photos were to the opposite sex. Their views were a little better than chance.
If you don’t have a sister with taste, use www.photofeeler.com, a website where photos are evaluated on intelligence, attractiveness, and trustworthiness.
Are you using selfies? Don’t. Short-distance photos exaggerate the size of the nose and are rarely flattering. Instead, use a professional photographer who understands lighting. If you don’t want to splurge on a professional photographer, at least get someone who takes your photo at a proper distance (at least 1.5 meters or yards) with a good background.
Are you wearing tank tops, t-shirts, ball caps and sunglasses in most of your photos? Don’t. Try wearing collared shirts, dress jackets, suits…and a tuxedo. Smile and show your eyes!
Storytelling
Initially, I was floundering when I put up a skimpy profile with just two photos and a few lines of bio copy.
But when I created a longer profile that told my life story – featuring ten photos, including a family photo my parents 50th wedding anniversary – my results jumped dramatically.
In David J.P. Phillips’s Magical Science of Storytelling TED talk, he claims stories resemble a love story. They create an emotional investment by releasing chemicals – an angel’s cocktail – that make us happier and more generous.
If you’re still a skeptic about the power of storytelling, look at the brand success of Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” ad campaign.
Empathy/Trustworthiness
As bad as online dating is for men, it’s worse for women who must contend with vulgar comments from rejected men, unsolicited graphic photos, and sometimes even physical and sexual violence.
Here’s why one woman quit online dating:
“…people lie. A lot. Their income, appearance, marital
status…you name it. Mugshots? I’ve seen a few come up
during Google searches. Wedding pictures? You better
believe it. A guy showing up to a date fifty pounds heavier
than his profile picture? It’s happened. Surviving a rape
at the age of nineteen and a stalker at the age of twenty,
both of whom I met on a dating site. True story.”
Given the dangers posed by online dating, it’s vital that men come across as empathetic and trustworthy. Here are a few ways a man can come across as having these traits:
Smile
Research shows a correlation between a nice smile and online dating success. Besides friendliness, a smile suggests confidence and trustworthiness, qualities sought out by women.
Also, from an evolutionary perspective, “A healthy smile indicates good genes and solid reproductive potential.” So we are hardwired to prefer those smiling, yet for whatever reason most men fail to do so on their dating profile.
Plan First Date w/Her Comfort and Safety in Mind
Given the bad experiences most women have suffered, try to put her mind at ease by arranging a date – and behaving in a manner – that indicates you are a gentleman.
Avoid risqué photos, sunglasses, and alcohol photos
These images suggest you aren’t trustworthy – that you’re going to push for sex too early and not serious about a long-term relationship that most women seek.
- YouTube, Jordan Peterson, “Women are Rejecting You Because…”, July 7, 2023
- You’re a Bad Judge of How Good Looking You Are.” Nautilus, Brian Gallagher, Apr 25, 2018, Study by Nicholas Epley, University of Chicago
- Why I quit Dating Apps, Medium.com, Cait Morrigan, Feb. 24, 2020
- Teeth and Tinder: Your Smile’s Impact on Online Dating Success, sacromentofamilydentist.com, March 23, 2024 – JE Scheib, Facial Attractiveness, Symmetry and Cues of Good Genes
Are you ready to transform your dating life?
For a complimentary 15-minute consultation on enhancing your dating profile, feel free to schedule a session at www.datingprofilesecrets.com or reach out via text at (240) 477-3999.
