Comedian Deon Cole says most daters make the mistake of not asking follow-up questions. He says, “you gotta go deeper.”
Cole says it’s not enough to ask, “Do you have kids?” He says, you also need to ask, “Do you have any on the way?”
And it’s not enough to ask, “Do you live with your momma?”, you also need to ask, “Does your momma live with you?”
In an ideal world, dating apps would verify age, marital status, education, body size, career…and block the use of filters.
Or, in the absence of such a verification system, you could count on everyone to be honest.
Fortunately, most women I’ve met online have been honest. It’s true many deduct a year or two off their age, which doesn’t really concern me.
But at least 10% of women (and I assume at least an equal percent of men) engage in a “big lie.” Even more misrepresent themselves or omit valuable information.
One of my first dates was with a very fit woman whose husband, an army Colonel, left her for a much younger woman. She was bitter about being dumped, but she was proud of the fact that she was making over $250,000 in pharmaceutical sales and a competitive marathoner.
We had a good conversation, but my first impression was that she looked older than me. I thought she might look older because she was so thin or had spent too much time under the sun. But I later learned she was older than me. When asked why she lied by 7 years, she said it was to “get around the age filters,” which she felt were unfair to women.
My next date was Russian accountant who had the most beautiful blue eyes but was a good 40 pounds (18kg) heavier than her photos indicated. Later, I made the mistake of going out with a woman who didn’t include full length photos. When I met her in person, I could see why. Let’s just say she wasn’t the “average” build she claimed.
More recently, on my 2nd date with an ambitious 45-year-old Chilean “divorcee,” I was asked a series of questions about my financial goals, my dating history and whether I was “420 friendly.” She said it bothered her that the last guy she went out was a pothead who lied about it. She claimed, “It’s not that I care…I just want someone to be honest with me.” This must be a case of projection because when I asked, “How long have you been divorced?”, she admitted that she was merely separated. Later, I learned her husband was still living in the basement.
Again, this was my fault. Because I don’t like to ask personal questions and dwell on the past, I failed to verify her real marital status. I naively assumed her profile was honest.
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