My dad was an avid long-distance runner who talked about his hobby (obsession) far more than it interested his friends and family
But I learned three valuable lessons watching him run his first race — a Quarter Marathon (6.55 miles or 10.55 km) – that included those from Ft. Leonard Wood, and serious runners from across the Ozarks.
1. Pace Yourself
After the gun sounded, one soldier stood out by sprinting up the hill, far outpacing the competition.
How long can he run at this pace?
He was young and didn’t have the fancy gear the other runners had, which suggested he might be a novice. But he appeared to be in great condition and running is part of any soldier’s PT.
I got my answer in the first two minutes when I saw him grasping for air on sidelines.
Was the soldier just a goofball who wanted to say he led the race? Was his purpose to set a fast pace like a speed horse in the Derby? Or did he get caught up in the excitement and run at a speed far beyond his capabilities? Who knows?
The importance of this story is that many online daters behave like this soldier. They burnout because they run at a pace that’s too fast to sustain. They look at their dating apps 24/7 and let the inevitable ups and downs consume them rather than developing a strategy to overcome setbacks.
Bumble is particularly bad because it requires its members to respond in a 24-hour period. This forces an unhealthy attachment to the app.
Accessing dating apps too frequently is particularly damaging to men who receive less attention from the opposite sex. Even a “high value man” will probably be disappointed if he goes on a dating app every few hours.
But if this same man patiently waited for 48 or 72 hours, he’d likely find that several women have reached out to him or responded to his messages. This is a nice confidence boost that counteracts disappointing dates and rejection.
Plus, when a man isn’t constantly going on sites and instantly returning messages, he positions himself as a guy who has options and is leading a full and busy life.
Remember to pace yourself; it’s not a sprint!
2. Getting an Edge (Asymmetrical Knowledge)
In some pursuits like stock market investing where most information is publicly known, it’s hard to have a long-term edge.
Warren Buffett made a famous $1 million bet that a simple low fee index fund would beat a group of fancy hedge funds managed by the “best and brightest” over a 10-year period. Buffett won in large part because the fees ate away at the profits of index funds. But even without fees, the well-trained professionals didn’t have the edge one might expect
Obviously, people with inside information (e.g. Martha Stewart who went to jail) and politicians (who are privy to helpful information) can outperform the market, as can the rare genius like Warren Buffett. But stock investing is unlike most activities where it is easy for the motivated person to have an edge.
For example, my dad had “inside knowledge” (or homefield advantage) because he trained on the actual racecourse. He knew the start of the race would be difficult because it was uphill and crowded. His strategy was to start slow, pick up the pace mid-race and finish with a strong kick. It wasn’t luck that he won a trophy while the young soldier was grasping for air.
Fortunately, it’s easy for a man to have an edge in online dating because it’s new and many people don’t take dating as seriously as they do as financial matters or hobbies that excite them. But most men treat dating apps more as a necessary evil rather than an opportunity to share their best story in photos and print.
These men would be well served to watch or read the scores of YouTube videos, podcasts, blogs and books that could guide them on every aspect of online dating from photo selection to how to text or message women.
But if his time is limited, the most efficient use of a man’s time is to create a strong profile that attracts the attention of women who reach out to him.
I wrote Dating Profile Secrets for Men: Create Your Dream Girl Through Storytelling because I saw that many worthy men (good products) failing due to bad dating profiles (poor marketing).
Although many mock poor efforts such as the beefy, shirtless guy in the bathroom — or the guy holding a fish – the truth is creating a dating profile is challenging even for someone with an advertising background like me.
Because it combines copy and visual images – personal and professional information — a dating profile is more difficult to create than a resume or college application.
Yet, the same guy who gets outside help to write his resume – and got help on his college application in high school – won’t even seek feedback on his photo selection. This strategy of “winging it” inevitably leads to failure. These are the men who claim, “dating apps don’t work.” What they mean is they don’t work for them because they were misguided or put forth poor effort.
3. Training, Effort, Optimistic Attitude
It’s not enough to have an edge – or a great strategy – to win at online dating.
It requires persistence, hard work, and an optimistic attitude.
No matter where you are positioned on the dating hierarchy, you’re bound to confront rejection and disappointment. When this happens remember Ronald Reagan’s story about twins…
There were twins with opposite temperaments. The pessimist was given toys to cheer him up, but he didn’t play with them out of a fear of breaking them.
The optimist was put in a room stacked to the ceiling with horse manure to reduce his enthusiasm. But he was delighted. “There must be a pony in there.”
For a complimentary 15-minute consultation on enhancing your dating profile, feel free to schedule a session at www.datingprofilesecrets.com or reach out via text at (240) 477-3999.
