One of the most common mistakes men make on first dates and phone calls is to monopolize the conversation. There are three drawbacks to this behavior:
- Men who monopolize conversations are viewed as self-centered and narcissistic. This need to be the center of attention suggests either insecurity, anxiety, a lack of self-awareness, or a strong need for admiration.
- When men talk too much, they don’t ask enough questions to assess their date’s suitability. As a result, they may miss red flags and waste time on poor prospects.
- Men who overtalk ‘tip their hand.’ They risk being manipulated by women who, consciously or unconsciously, adjust their behavior.
If you’re a man who talks too much on first dates—or when you meet someone new—you should follow Rachel Feintzeig’s advice in The Wall Street Journal:
‘To Get What You Want, Try Shutting Up.’[i]
“A well-deployed silence can radiate confidence and connection. The trouble is, so many of us are awful at it.
We struggle to sit in silence with others, and rush to fill the void during a pause in conversation. We want to prove we’re smart or get people to like us, solve the problem, or just stop that deafening, awkward sound of nothing.
The noise of social media and constant opinions has us convinced we must be louder to be heard. But do we?”
Sell with silence
Fresh out of college, Kyler Spencer struggled through meetings with potential clients. Some sessions stretched to two hours and still didn’t end in a “yes.”
The financial adviser, based in Nashville, Ill., realized he was rambling for 15-minute stretches, spouting off random economic facts in an attempt to sound savvy and experienced.
“I basically just bulldozed the meeting,” says Spencer, now 27.”
He started meditating and doing breathing exercises to calm his nerves before meetings. Now, he makes sure to stop talking after a minute or two. The other person jumps in, sharing about their life, fears, and goals. This information allows Spencer to build trust and pitch the right products.
His client list soon started filling up, and happy customers now send referrals his way. “It’s amazing,” he says, “what you learn when you’re not the one talking.” [ii]
Not all men who “bulldoze” first dates and phone calls are narcissists or attention seekers. Many are nervous and insecure, like this financial adviser was, until he learned the power of silence.
If you want to succeed on dating apps, try speaking less and listening more. It’s so common for men to monopolize conversations on dates that being a good listener is an easy way for a man to be viewed favorably.
[i] “To Get What You Want, Try Shutting Up,” Wall Street Journal, Rachel Feintzeig, Sept. 25, 2024
[ii] Ibid
Also Read: Do’s and Don’ts Of Creating A Dating Profile
