Although The Sopranos is now 25 years old, I watched the series from start to finish for the first time recently. I’m glad I did because its lessons are timeless. Here are six to remember in romantic relationships:
Upbringing Casts a Long Shadow
Tony suffers from panic attacks that stem from a poor relationship with his mom who tries to get him killed.
To his credit, Tony seeks professional treatment to overcome the damage caused by his childhood. But it’s difficult to overcome a dysfunctional background, which is worth remembering when choosing a mate.
Many Women are Drawn to Powerful, Wealthy Men – Even Fat Mobsters
Even though he’s fat and bald, Tony Soprano has no shortage of mistresses to entertain him. Some are attracted to his riches, while others are more drawn to his power, celebrity, and masculinity. The mafia is a source of public fascination for many people.
As a mobster, he’s the ultimate bad boy.
But One Love Interest Rejects Him: Know Your Market
Tony’s charm doesn’t work on every woman that he’s attracted too though. His therapist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi, rejects his overtures.
Although she finds some qualities in him attractive (she likes the fact that
he could punish the man who raped her if she wanted), pursuing a romantic relationship with a patient and mob boss would violate her personal ethics and be condemned by friends and family.
This reminds me of when Jerry Springer was asked if Oprah liked his show, he says “No, she has taste.” (She called his show a “vulgarity circus.”)
My point is Dr. Melfi has much more in common with Oprah than Jerry Springer. She’s not Tony’s type, and he should have known this.
The importance of High-Status Clothes in Cultivating an Image
Excluding picking up the newspaper in his bathrobe in the morning, you don’t see Tony in t-shirts and tank tops.
Tony may not be a snappy dresser like John Gotti, but he dresses better than most men. He often wears suits at work and for social occasions. When not in suits he wears collared shirts, nice slacks, and dress shoes.
His clothing and demeanor convey that he’s a serious man and leader.
Wish Your Ex Well: Tony’s Foolish “Own Goal”
After breaking up with Irina, his Russian mistress (goomah), Tony sabotages her relationship with the local, crooked councilman, who he belt whips after breaking into his house.
Rather than being pleased that Irina found someone who made her happy, he sees the Councilman’s relationship with her as a slight to be avenged. This backfires on when Irina calls his wife telling Carmela about their longtime affair. She’s not surprised Tony is having an affair, but it’s one thing to know or suspect an affair, and quite another to have the mistress call the house.
Carmela is outraged and asks Tony to move out. They eventually reconcile but it comes at great emotional and financial cost to Tony.
Son Struggles in School and Relationships – Suicide Attempt
One of the most striking aspects of the Soprano family is the performance gap between Meadow, the ambitious and idealistic daughter, who attends Columbia, and the son, A.J., who fails in school and spends most of his time playing video games. This achievement and maturity gap between boys and girls continues to widen worldwide making dating and relationships more difficult, especially for high performing women who find fewer men of their level academically and professionally.
A.J.’s relationship with Bianca, a Latina mother ten years older, is quite interesting. At first, this new love helps A.J. focus like never before at work. He also shows interest in her child and a desire to be a good stepfather. But eventually she becomes unhappy and dumps him. (The reasons are not clear. Did she find him weak, needy, and immature? Did she resent his privileged background? Did Carmela give her the vibe that she wasn’t good enough for her son?
All I know for sure is that A.J. is devastated. His heartbreak turns into depression that results in an attempted suicide. Fortunately, he survives, heals, and moves on.
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