I dated a pharmaceutical executive who told me she went out with a Fortune 500 CEO who sent her a “dick pic” after their first date. She laughed it off telling him, “You’ve got the wrong girl.”
But her story shocked me because even if it’s not legally sexual harassment (she’s not an employee), it’s a reckless action that could harm his career and company.
Plus, I mistakenly believed this kind of misbehavior was limited to teenage boys and “pervs” like former Congressman Anthony Wiener.
It’s clear my belief is wrong because when she shared her story with her girlfriends they all had similar tales.
Jennifer Swann of MEL Magazine interviewed 19 women who received unsolicited dick pics.i All but one had an unfavorable view of them. Here’s what one woman said:
To me it’s just like, “Seriously?” Like, “No. Ew!” First of all, I don’t think women want these. I personally don’t… It’s like a space invasion. It changes the whole tone of conversation where it’s no longer just two people talking. It’s one person trying to assert power over the other.
Another woman said she got three dick pics in one week. “I had four potential guys. I married the one who didn’t send me the dick pic.”
It surprises me that so many men sabotage themselves by sending out these unsolicited photos, but there’s a more common mistake that I see that may be more harmful.
Also Read: How to Take Good Dating Profile Pictures for Men
What is it?
Weakness. Women want to date a guy with options…they want to know he’s a “good catch” in high demand.
That’s why it’s so counterproductive early in a relationship to love bomb a woman with flowers, expensive gifts and lavish dinners.
And it’s even more unwise to ask for exclusivity on the first date or to propose marriage too soon.
I’ll never forget the woman in her 50s who rolled her eyes while telling me about the guy who got on his knee and proposed at a restaurant on the third date. She was totally caught off guard and embarrassed. She said, “get up.” It killed any attraction she had for him.
The Pitfalls of the Pedestal
I like what Bryan Goodwin of relaxedmale.com wrote about why men shouldn’t put women on a pedestal.
[The pedestal] seems like it would be a nice thing to do, but it’s not. There’s so much pressure to try to rise to that lofty height that you cause the woman of your dreams to become uncertain of herself. She doubts that she can be the person you want her to be.
You actually strangle the want to rise to the challenge. If you are putting her on a pedestal why should she rise to that image?
The focus of my website, blog and book – Dating Profile Secrets for Men: Attract Your Dream Girl Through Storytelling – is to help men create their best dating profile.
But it’s important to remember that the dating profile is just the first leg in a relay race. Yes, it helps you land your first date, but it won’t result in a relationship – or even a short fling – if you don’t master other aspects of dating such as avoiding coming across as weak and needy.
Also Read: What to Wear on a First Date to Attract Women
FAQ
1. Why do men send out dick pics? Is it ever okay to send them?
It’s a self-destructive strategy that is rarely appreciated by women but some men who have “Machiavellian tendencies” enjoy sending out for shock value or a misguided understanding of what turns on women.
If you’re in a relationship and you have a mutual agreement, it’s fine to send explicit photos. But keep in mind that women are more verbal than visual; they prefer romance novels to porn.
2. Why is putting a woman on a pedestal so bad?
When a man puts a woman on a pedestal by bribing her with gifts, or asking for exclusivity or marriage too soon, it creates the image that he lacks confidence and doesn’t have a lot of options. One of the most important qualities women look for men is confidence. Would a confident man who has a lot of options propose on the third date?
